What does Single mean?

Seriously…what and who determine what single means? Is it a chosen “life-style” or a situation of circumstance? Traditionally, single was usually a bad term with numerous negative connotations, especially for women. Is my version of single the same as yours? Do people still feel sorry for singles or do the envy them? How long does one have to be separated, broke up, divorced or never part of a couple to qualify as a real single?Even kids are now calling themselves “single! “

Single parent is even unclear! Ever tried dating one or two? Notice they were using the term to mean anything from “I call them every now and then” to “my children are my life” and surely were codependent on their daily needs?

Sometimes married or coupled people glamorize being single and say things flippantly like “you can come and go as you please,” or “you don’t have to deal with another person’s bs.” Some view being single as a sign of strength or adventurous fun-filled party. Really? Then why do they do all “putting up with others’ bs?” Is that, in fact what it means, that singles don’t put up with other people’s bs? It could mean that the single person has too much bs for someone else.

People that either have been part of a couple so often or for so long or just always have….don’t see things the same. they cant. They don’t see things like how much easier moving things around the house are with two people helping, or just how quiet the middle of the night really is. Not to say being an adult “single” is all bad. There are great things about it too, and yes much more than the obvious. Agreed, the world could be a veritable buffet if one chooses. From various flavors of sexual partners to suit any mood to eating out every night of the week at any resteraunt you may choose. There are many other things to enjoy also, like the feeling of accomplishment when a single overcomes an obstacle that would have even been a bitch for a couple to deal with. There are those daily types of “oh crap, what now” things that happen randomly in life and usually when one is unprepared. It happens. They say “crisis” brings people closer, together. Well what should a single person feel after strategizing and taking care of business, pretty damn good about themselves right?

Single people learn fairly quickly who they can really count on. Couples are tag teaming their day in one way or another, whether it be side by side holding hand or fighting about it. Single people get to see who is real and who are “just there.” Some of those “just there” people can be lots of fun. It’s always interesting on who shakes out to be reliable and who doesn’t.

Being a single person generally means that you have to be open to what may be around the corner if you ever want to be part of a couple again. Couples have the luxury of planning for next year, making common goals. Everyone does, but unless that couple has one of those bigger “oh crap” moments they can predict with more clarity. As a single person you can never be certain what the next couple years looks like. What if you pair up? Home buying is a little different, career choices, medical decisions, etc. The gambles that singles take when rolling the proverbial dice have a lot more possible outcomes.

To all my adult friends, past, present and future and even the “not in this life time’s”. Yep, pretty much you…you…and oh, yeah you!

To all my adult friends, past, present and future and even the “not in this life time’s”. Yep, pretty much you…you…and oh, yeah you, and hey you too!
Since the divorce rate is statistically, let’s face it, probably, (get it? Probability.) NOT in your favor, this applies to you.
The only way this does not apply to you…is if you are that true rare breed of couple, the one that genuinely finds your spouse exciting, thrilling, smacks your ass, always laughing with one another type of couple, then and only then, does this ‘not apply’ to …you! From the rest of us out here in reality…carry on…and damn have fun!
Now back to the “rest of us.” Okay there’s one more little part of our “group” here that can also be dismissed. But unfortunately you may miss this. If you are just simply content to be just simply content…maybe in your world its’ just as simple as a man marries a woman, they have kids, maintain an income, house, etc. Everything is just simply great! How nice that must be for you. Have a great day! J
 Now back to you and you. What’s our deal? Why not either of those groups for you? Come on people, you’ve already experienced one of them! Apparently, it wasn’t your style. So let’s just scratch that one off the list. Well…wait a minute…there may be a small group of you here that can jump now. If that last group starts to get pretty attractive…you find yourself or might one day be willing to do it for “companion” love. And maybe after all the BS out here in reality that actually will work fantastikly for you and keep you content till the end. You can grow to love them like that, right? Our hats are off to you. We really aren’t judging either…we may join you one day. I um…actually wouldn’t read ahead if I were you though. You may not want to be a part of this.
Okay…now…let’s see who’s still here. Hmm…okay, you…you…and oh yeah, there you are. So why are we still here? OH HEY…wait I just remembered one last small section that can roll. If you are that jaded, pissed off, scorned, always happened on complete losers, the opposite sex are all snakes….etc…keepa step’n. Please leave our group…um…now please. That’s right…I know… I just proved you right…I know. Uh huh…
Wow….okay where were we. That’s right look around…we’re down to a pretty cool group I’d say. The rest of us…well we’re ones with back bone baby! We aint settling damnit! Been there done that or you were smart enough to never even be tempted to dabble in the doldrums of “the American Dream.”
Another thing you’ll notice about our group…we are a little bruised and battered…of course we are…we’ve been holding fast for a long time! We weren’t lucky enough to find that ass grabber earlier on this journey. That’s okay…again…check the stats, wasn’t too many to start with! Besides, it hasn’t been all bad, right? Courting?  Whether it worked past month one, two, three, or years…that was sweet in the beginning wasn’t it…oh yeah…
On top of that it’s not like we’ve really been missing anything all this time. We’ve been busy…busy living…babies, working, bills, ex’s. Isn’t it funny though that we all feel the same about it…always looking for the greener grass….never settled…you may have tried really really hard…but…he we are in the adult group. Go figure!
Where do we go from here…hmmm? Whats the focus of our group? Let’s discuss that first. Well…let’s see. Now we really do have to come up with a purpose for our “group”. Something that sets us apart from “those”  guys. You know, I don’t usually like to travel as part of the pack, go with the flow…do what’s expected…Somewhere in my thirties I decided we were gonna run this show right! Tried a few different ways to do it like “them.” Don’t get me wrong, I did them ‘well’ for a while. Had some good times, gave others some good times. I’ve met a lot of really cool people, okay… agreed, some not so cool. I’ve kicked my own ass all over the place on this one, the who’s, what’s and yep where’s. Lifted a lotta rocks, yes I have. Got some scars along the way, might even be carrying some cool suitcases. But you know what…?
Something tells me you’ll understand when I say….Hell Yeah! Live it Baby!
That’s it…isn’t it…our group…we are different….cause we refuse to settle. We won’t settle on jobs, standards, values, self-worth, (well there was that one time.) Or…if this doesn’t sound like you….maybe you feel like you were just busy “growing up” and having fun, no drama, just haven’t found the right one…come on over…you can stay in our group. We will try not to poke your cool bubble. You guys…don’t tell them.
So what brings us all here together you ask? We people are hard corps! We are the romantic sap asses that will “follow our hearts.” People are people man, they’re not perfect, and they’re not always pretty. Sometimes they even fart. But we are pretty sure one of those imperfect stinky people is “the one.” The one that makes us “giggle.” The one that makes us want to hold hands. You know what I mean; you’ve been teaching your child this for years. You believe they will of course find their “one, when the time is right.”  
Of course one of the problems we will run into here in a group this large is crowd control, geesh, can I get some elbow room people. Why is it so tight in here? Aren’t we out in the great big world? Now….let me just address one more facet of our group…if you are sitting on the sidelines like a coward…you know who you are…there are two types….you whole up…afraid…you’re “truly happy just the way you are, life is a blast”…get off the damn internet your perv! Your spouse is in the next room, “sexting.” Whether its cheating or not…you know you are playing it safe. Or if maybe its outta fear that you sit on the side line wanting a piece of the action…sure your spouse if a good friend, but just you can’t help but notice those “other” couples, “they really seem to be in love….sigh…”
You can lurk from there…cause honestly… to each their own…however you feel safest…so do what you gotta do but this still doesn’t answer why we are all here together. I think we are getting closer to a focus but I would like to throw this little fine print out there. If you are part of a couple that used to ass grab and you really still feel that way…FIX it!
Now we will loose some more of you in this group as we go along. That is the point…along the road you will hopefully bump in to the “one.” The one that fits you like a glove, knows your flaws, quirks, and hazard zones. They apparently agree that there is something so sweet about you that makes it all worth it! They also know just how to make you feel like “the one.” It’s a happy harmonious symbiotic relationship. You see theirs, they see yours. No fear, there it is.
Isn’t that really why we are all here talking? Through the years you may have begun to wonder what it is about you that keep attracting the no’s. Even the one’s you thought yes to turned out to be “no’s” in disguise. Question…have they been telling you the same thing on the way out the door? Listen to them! Well, okay filter some of it…but what where they complaining about towards the end. In our pursuit of “it” or “the one,”  we forgot something. And this is surprising since we are the over achievers, always trying to do better. So what did they say about you? Were you surprised when the second person said the same as the last? Maybe it took you a bit longer to hear it…Remember as overachievers we do not deal with criticism well. We may even deny it as “you’re the one with the problem, not me.” But seriously people…are you seeing the pattern? There seems to be one common denominator in these equations… You!
So what did they say? Now consider for a moment that it’s true…do you want to change it? Can you? It may be how you got this far? Could it be compromised? Figure that out and embrace what’s left! Guess what…that’s “you!” Once you can pull your head out of your butt on this…yes you might have some weird quirks, bad habits, over the top needs…whatever…they are yours. Until you come to grips with reality on this and decide to see it clearly…perspective people. Those people you continually attract or why you can’t seem to hit the spot quite right…maybe a few close takers…take the time to properly do you your homework. Know YOUR “issues.” Are you willing to live with them…good then so must the perfect partner for you. You may not have thought to even look for that quality in others. When you find it…keep in mind they have been out there wading through much of the same BS you were. They will also have a few of those suitcases. Have they learned to be honest about them? Maybe they haven’t gotten there yet. Whatever they may be…can they live with them…more importantly can you? Isn’t that what they mean by “fits like a glove,” or “other half?” Basically, is there room for both sets of luggage?


This journey through life and being a woman seems to be very similar to a large windy river. There are the most amazingly wild landscapes, massive roaring waterfalls, slow lazy calms, surprise bumps and sharp rocks in what appears to be a slow steady current. They both provide sustenance, life, shelter and direction to everything and everyone around them. There are spots in which its so quiet that one can hear a falling leaf hit the surface. But yet at certain points the crashing rush of the roaring rapid is so loud it consumes you. The seasons and weather can have the most amazing impact on their appearances, mood, and flow. They both have plateaus, tangents, and constant perpetual motion. They are both subject to pollution, erosion, drought and flood. They both have cold dark shady spots with deep chilly undercurrents and the slow beautiful spots where the sun peeks through the trees and those warm flat rocks lie perfect for taking a cozy little break. Its impossible to ever be sure of what’s around that next bend. They both inspire poets and photographers. Both are futilly mapped and navigated but always and forever guaranteed to change.